Being & Seeing

In college, I took a multidisciplinary course that focused on the study of alterity (otherness)—a word I spent about 20 minutes attempting to remember this morning. One of our texts presented the idea of how we envision others, via lenses derived from physical features, biases, assumptions, stereotypes, and judgments that we place upon others, ultimately destroys the identity of that other person. The only way to see someone for who they really are would be to leave behind those views and judgments and allow us to see them as they truly want to present themselves.

(That’s DEFINITELY paraphrased and I took that class either in 2008 or 2009, so I may have missed some things, but that’s the overall concept from that text.)

Nowadays, that idea still resonates within me, however, I’m not only pondering about how the eye of the beholder can destroy the identity of others, but how we craft our own self-destruction by projecting a false identity for others.

Per the original concept, the capacity for us to judge, assume, discriminate, and devour others’ identities on a daily basis has grown exponentially thanks to all our social media, online dating sites, and other virtual outlets. Likewise, the reverse should be considered as well: we are being viewed and consumed in mass. So, what is the drive behind how we choose to present our own identity?

Some may tap into falsehoods, projecting ideas or stereotypes about ourselves to feed into what others want. When we tap into a preconceived view that others have about our own identity and we outwardly illustrate it (be it from we act, photos we post, articles we share, our actions, our words, or even our own silence), we start down the path of allowing others’ perception to define who you are, instead of showing others who you really are.

So this is two fold: upon seeing others, try to remove those self-crafted lenses of biases or assumptions so you truly see that person as they want to be seen; and upon sharing yourself, reflect and acknowledge if who you’re sharing is truly you, or just what others want. As people, we adapt to change and social scenarios, but at the core, who we are should not be lost, it should grow stronger to better ourselves. Our identity is ever-changing, so, you’ll need to deal with that. But try to ensure those changes are crafted to better who you are or who you want to be for yourself and not solely for others. (Sometimes we better ourselves for yourself and another, but don’t sacrifice all of who you are just for one person—someone who values you for who you are wouldn’t want that.)

Never forget that if others reject you, that is their loss for not seeing you for the individual that you are/want to be. And if you step away from that situation unchanged, who you are at your core remains intact for yourself and there will be others who will see the real you and who you strive to be.

Meagan Jones

Last week, my friend died.

We learn, change and grow from experiences. Today, I am simply saddened. A person who meant so much to so many, brightened so many lives, and was the kindest and funniest of people, is no longer among us.

That sucks.

And, more importantly, cancer sucks.

This is a shitty lesson to learn, but there will be people you love and care about whom you will lose, and as you mourn them, you will ask yourself What can I do?

In the moment of their passing, we are powereless.

There’s nothing we can do, but be there for them, their family, and for others they have impacted.

Thereafter, we must consider how we honor them and what they stand for, and decide what I can do for their cause.

There have been those around me who have passed away and people in my life—like my mother, my father, my family, my mentors, my peers, who one day will as well—pass on from the world we live in. But it saddens me that Meagan Jones is my first close friend to leave me.

Last week, my friend died.

And today, I continue to try and learn how to deal with it.

We love you.

We miss you.

And we will always honor you. 

March 2014

Take In a Moment

I am not always a person who wants to forgive or be forgiven;

But today I am a person with a thought on his mind.

Because in life, shit definitely happens.

I live with regrets from past mistakes;

Or anger towards the horrid actions of another;

And there are unfathomable events that stir us all.

Today, as this is written,

Or as this is reread,

A moment is haunting me.

So today of all days,

I will take in a thought,

One often wished away,

And I do not forgive;

And I do not forget;

I simply see it as is

And accepted it.

Today, as this is written,

Or as this is reread,

I choose to take it in.

But how do I face a moment as haunting as this?

I think back to where I once was;

Now see where I have come;

And wonder: will this acceptance aid my future?

I am not always a person who wants to forgive or be forgiven;

But today I aim to be a person who moves on.

The Investment of Friendship

Remember a simple truth: you are a worthwhile person.

And consider this as well: those around you should be too.

Cherish the chance to meet to get to know others,

As you hope others do to you.

And while your remember your simple truth, also note the following:

Your friendship is a two-way investment.

If you find extreme inequity in any friendship,

Then what friendship do you truly have?

You are a worthwhile person;

You are a valued friend;

You are an investment.

As you embrace your simplistic truth,

Grasp hold of another truth:

Let go of those friendship fueled by inequity,

And invest time in those who value you,

As you do them.

6.23.14