Forgive me Internet, for I have sinned. It’s been… like what, exactly(-ish) two years to the date since my last blog post? :) Seems like a great time to post some random thoughts, ramblings, general ponderments and notions. #wanzisms
Now that I’ve scared off readers with a hashtag in the first
paragraph, let’s get into it:
If you have talked to me over the last months and we’ve
discussed anything around problems or advice, then you already know what this
whole post is going to be about: That’s right, ownership of actions and
self-control. To further my point, I will also not be giving my usual
second-person narrative advice. You need not do a thing, other than read on (if
you choose to).
Today we—nay, I shall
reside in the land of I-statements.
Over the last few months, I have maintained the motto that I
am the only person that has full control of actions within my life and I must
always take ownership of them. Additionally, I do not have control of others,
nor should I ever draw frustration from not having that control. This may seem
like a pretty obvious idea to most, but on a daily basis I can think of a wide
range of excuses that may bubble up:
§ Uh,
you didn’t tell me to do that…
§ Oh,
I definitely spaced on that one
§ Yeah,
I’m just really tired
§ Well,
that’s not really my fault/job/issue/(etc.)
§ I
was told to do that… (I wrote that today in an email)
§ Oh…
no, I didn’t do that…
§ Grrr,
I was just SUPER frustrated…
§ Ugh,
[insert person] totally made me go out last night
These are a mere sample of my refined excuse-palette. But at
the core of this, is my decision to make excuses to mask my inaction or dismiss
ownership of my actions.
So when my friends have asked for advice recently or when I
have been faced with my own dilemma, I began to realize “I made that choice
that got me there, regardless of others, and I need to admit to that.” Boom!
Truth. (No hashtag.)
So again, I say, I am the only person that has full control
of any action or decision in my life and I must take ownership of that. (This
wasn’t always the case, but even InfantWanz developed some degree of control.)
Now there are things that happen in my life that are outside of my control
(i.e.: random actions in the world, other people’s actions, the series finale
of Dexter.). But what matters, is how I choose to respond and react to these
others’ actions or the actions that happen around me. Shit happens, but I can’t
take ownership for everything out there or place profuse blame onto others; I
must remember what I have control of, what I have done, and what I can still do
(or not do).
Naturally, the actions of others can influence my actions
and beliefs, just as mine can do the same to others. In fact, what I realized
is that when I choose to present something that is an influence onto someone
else (knowingly or unknowingly), I must take ownership of what have chosen to
do and to be aware of the reaction my influence can cause. However, what that
person chooses to do is his/her choice, but what I have to take ownership of is
that influence. How others influence me still comes from them, but it is
ultimately my choice to let myself take it in and take action on that
influence. For that, I need to take ownership of what I do and do not do, how
that influences others, and who I listen to.
I can’t control everything; that’d be a lot of work if I
could, but I can’t. It’s impossible. I don’t try (too often). The root of many
of my frustrations stems from the realization that I am unable to directly
change something because it is outside of my realm of control—and that just
means that whatever I am trying to control is not me. I can’t control other
people (nor can they control me); I can’t control the relationship between
others; I can’t control other people I am in a relationship with; and I can’t
control nature, something outside of everyone’s control (in my opinion).
What should be acknowledged is the important impact that
those I have invited into my life have had. I have grown, I have loved, I have
laughed, and I have been influenced positively from these many great persons.
My friends’ influences and experiences are gifts offered to me (knowingly or
unknowingly) that I choose to receive or dismiss.
Even when people come to me for help, I can’t make anyone do
anything. What I can do is listen. What I can do is provide support. What I can
do is coach. But what I can’t do is fix a problem that someone else has, that’s
a choice that he or she needs to make in solving his/her problem. I can offer
my thoughts, but it’s that person’s choice to take it.
(*cough*subtlesubtextforthis*cough*)
And so, I choose to remain focus on myself when it comes to
what I can and cannot do. The root of my frustration, irritations, jealousies,
biases, and more are derived from displacement of my ownership of control.
Because the choices I make guide my life. I must face the reality of any choice
I make. I can justify my reason to others or even to myself, but at the end of
the day, I must take ownership of it. I invite people to be involved in the
choices I make, but I can’t place blame on them for what they do or do not do.
The only blame I can justly place is on myself. What I am choosing to do now is
to share with you these notions. And I want to ask you, “Do you take full
ownership of everything that you choose to do?”
Me personally, I don’t. But I want to do. And so, I am
willing to give it a little gander.
Are you? 10/14/13
